I feel a sharp pain in my heart..I kept on frowning..I know I shouldn't be in this state..I got lotsa stuffs to take care of...but I juz can't help it..God,give me strength..I made my decision..I wish to stick by it..if any case I hurt again..I tear again..I guess I'll hate you GUYS..really..pandangan terhadap lelaki sudah penuh kebencian suatu masa dahulu..cuba dielakkan dan dikekang..lahir rasa sayang dan cinta..I juz hope it doesn't falter back to the hatred I used to have..I am afraid..very much afraid coz if I ever do that..I wouldn't know what I'll be..back to my tomboy days? *sigh* How strong I try to be...in the end I am a lady..soft at heart..fragile..hati seorang perempuan itu bak kristal..berharga dan mudah calar..apalagi kalau terlepas,pecah berderai..tidak mudah disambung kembali..Adakah diriku benar-benar dihargai,dikasihi,disanjungi atau semuanya hanyalah illusi semata..suatu persinggahan..aku tak mahu fikirkan perkara yang negatif..aku inginkan kepastian..aku ingin bertanya tapi lidah kelu tidak terkata..takut sekiranya perkara yang tidak aku ingin dengari akan terucap..Ku pohon pada Yang Maha Esa..temukan aku dengan insan yang diperuntukkan buat diriku..sekiranya dialah untukku..kekalkanlah kemesraan bersama..sekiranya bukan..jauhkanlah kami..setiap hari aku cuba menilai adakah kita semakin dekat atau semakin jauh..setiap hari adalah suatu ujian bagiku..*sobs*
I am a weakling..I can be fierce or firm but deep within me..I'm fragile..I have to shift my mindset to focus about the projects in mind..much more worthwhile..it shall keep me busy and forget this matter but its not permanent..juz temporarily..I gave my heart..and I hope it's well kept..I juz found out the are some enemies out there..who seems to be two-faced peepz..it hurts coz at least if you dun like me..say it..dun ever say behind my back..coz I'll know it sooner or later...I wanna keep myself reserved for now..I dun trust anyone much either..I have to trust myself and confide in myself..call me mad or anything but at least I know myself and how much trust I can have within me..I knew that rather than being scared that I'm hated by humans..I should be more afraid to be hated by Allah..Allah still loves me coz I am still breathing right now and I have not forgotten him..HE has given me what I had been wanting in life..bit by bit I achieved what I wanted..and I am very much thankful for HIS blessings..I hope HE won't take back the things that I have in my hands..I wanna cry..crying helps to ease the pain a bit in me..but it makes me feel worst too..I can't help but to tear up..memang I cengeng...memang I mudah tergores..itu hakikat diri I yang harus you terima.. rather than we expect the person to be perfect or what you want the person to be..it'll be better if you learn to accept the imperfections..love the imperfections for at least it is what makes you attracted the person..it might be a challenge for anybody to shape someone to be a better human..but one must realise you,too are human..imperfect in some other ways..I dun wish to pin point anymore..any imperfections..I keep it..i learn to love it..maybe this is what they call love..it works in a way that's difficult to describe..
cinta datang tanpa diduga dan pergi tanpa dipinta..sekiranya kita menghargai cinta yang bertandang..pasti ia takkan pergi jauh dari kita..dan sekiranya dia telah diperuntukkan buat kita..dimana jua kita berada..garam di laut asam di darat..dalam kuali pasti bertemu jua..Cinta yang sejati adalah cinta yang lahir dari kemahuan untuk memiliki..Cinta adalah hati nurani..sesiapa yang memiliki cinta pasti memiliki citra Illahi dalam hatinya..insyallah..
