I remembered CikSarah's question,"Why do we have choices in our lives?"..I decided to blog about this because I had received a phonecall..from someone that I love..its Sham..yes,after so long i never mention his name..now I did..that phonecall made me teared up till now and I dun noe until when shall this pain move on..hang on peepz..I wouldn't know how you'd react if you were in my shoes..tis has got to do with choices in life..something we do in our lives..
We all have choices in lives..be it small matters or big...people make choices everyday..it is similar to decisions..where we decide and choose what to do or where to lead..and live up to the choice made..if we dun have choices..life will be so boring..everybody will be doing the same old stuffs..leading the same way of life..with a variety of choices given..it gives pple a unique life each..that makes their lives different from one another..
Firman Allah:
Oleh itu, maka (tetapkanlah kepercayaanmu) bahawa sesungguhnya tiap-tiap kesukaran disertai kemudahan, (Sekali lagi ditegaskan): bahawa sesungguhnya tiap-tiap kesukaran disertai kemudahan. (Asy-Syar-h; 5,6)
I do understand that sometimes the choices we made are not what we realli want in life..it can either be out of no other choices but that particular one we have to choose or it culd also be that we made that choice because of somebody...keikhlasan membuat keputusan itu menjadi suatu kepentingan dimana setelah kita membuat sesebuah keputusan dengan ikhlasnya...sudah tentu kita tidak akan menyoalkan mengapa harus membuat pilihan dalam hidup...it is our self-freedom as humans...to be given choices by Allah..in which we can choose and have to be responsible for the choice ourselves..and that is why we are given brains to think..never ever question why is this choice so bad or regret that you have made a particular choice..if we made use of the brains given by Allah..to think before deciding..insyallah all is well..now what has this got to do with Sham??
Had a phonecall from him after so long..I was dying to know what happen to him...and seriusly I can sense something is not right coz lately I have been having bad dreams about it..am so worried..and when he called..I can feel the pain he's going through..frankly speaking..sometime after I knew him..he told me he's sick..down with bronchitis..but still he's not listening to me...to cut down smoking..now when I asked how he's doing, it pains me to know he's not doing too good..and had been on MC for two days..he's in the secondary stage of bronchitis..in which he has to depend on medication otherwise the lungs burst or something..how am I suppose to feel? though we've parted for sometime...he's someone dear to me too..i can't hold back the tears animore..it juz automatically rolled down my cheeks..this ain't any Bollywood scene or something..this is fact..something that happened today...the day I will never forget..the day that I had hoped to hear from him only to learn his in critical condition..his coughing hurts me more..and worst...he said I have to try and forget him..Sham..how can I ??? Someone who pulled me through..Juz because he is in such condition..that doesn't mean one has to give up? I made a choice to stay by his side...even as a friend if that persists...but he still insisted in me forgetting him..I told him not to give up hope..fight the sickness he had..giving up in life is not the right way..what do I have to loose if I forgot him?? How can I answer that? Its too sad..sebak hati nak menjawapnya..it's gonna be difficult..sham..it will be the greatest sacrifice i can ever make in my life...to forget someone whom I can't take off my mind not even a second..I tried before and I still can't and now you told me I have to do it now or later- now while you are still alive battling it or later when you are dead? I'd rather face it thru with you now...than never...I knew I had been a pain in your neck before and I shouldn't have been to if I had known you are gonna be worst off now..but too late..its happening..but I wanted to spent whatever chances I have now..till the end of your life..I have faith in you u that u r strong sham..i never know if u can ever read this heart cry from me..I have faith in Allah too that He will listen to my plea..to my prayers for you..u too, have to believe in Him..terjadinya sesuatu kerana Allah...mungkin kita selama ini lupa untuk berterima kasih kepadanya..belum terlambat kita mohon ampun serta mohon perlindungan dari segala bencana dan kesusahan...I am sure Allah listens to my plea...He always will to all His Creations..
I made a choice to be with you even from afar..even if I can't touch or feel or be near you..I made that choice to at least tahu perkembangan diri you,sham..and till the last breathe of your life..I shall never forget you ever...you live in my heart..my memories..my life..you passed down to me lessons in life...not to leave me just like that..I thank you for all the care, the thoughts the teachings you gave me..and I know..someone like you..Allah will never forget too..I knew I used to complain and hate you because I was blind to see your motive to change me to a better person..now when I do realise it..I believe someone like you is needed in this world..and with this...I shall always pray..no matter how critical your condition might be..I will never loose hope that you can make it through..I hope for miracles..I hope to be able to see u...smiling and joking with me..the bubbly you that light up my life before..
"Ya Allah...Sembuhkanlah insan ini dari kesengsaraanya..kerana dia telah banyak berjasa pada manusia disekelilingnya..Engkau Maha Mengetahui dariku..Sembuhkanlah beliau Ya Rabbi..Sesungguhnya hanya pada Engkau aku bermohon..Amin..Ya rabbal alamin."
Do we believe in fate? Yes I do..but one dun wait for fate to knock on their door...U have to work for it...Usaha adalah kunci kejayaan dalam hidup..And with this..I apologize if my posting bores you bloggers out there..I juz can't keep it in me..I have to blog it out..to keep this feeling into this blog coz I may never know when do I get to see him again..ever in my life..
