A Q&A Session with Dr V Atputharajah of KK Women's and Children's Hospital to quell any myths about sex for you - the New Couple.
Q. What advice concerning sex do you have for newly weds?
A. You both have a part to play and you both must be willing participants. Learn about your bodies. Spend time looking at each other and exploring each other. Find out what you want and share your feelings honestly with your partner.
Remember, sex is a learning process. Don't expect to be good at it right away. Guys come to see me because they ejaculate too fast. Women are concerned because they don't know how to reach a stage of climax. Sometimes counselling is required but in most cases, couples need time to mature sexually. Practice makes perfect.
Q. What worries men about sex?
A. Performance anxiety. When a man makes love to a woman, he wants to know that he's doing it right and satisfying his partner.
Q. What are women's fears?
A. Painful intercourse. A myth that terrifies women is that the hymen is a barrier and in the process of knocking it down, there is a lot of blood and discomfort. During intercourse, the hymen is being stretched rather than broken. It is a tissue with few blood vessels so most times, there is no bleeding.
Q. What obstacles do couples face in maintaining a good sex life?
A. Time is one. Many couples work different shifts and hardly see each other. I counselled one couple for infertility and discovered that he comes home from work just as she is leaving for her job. I told them if they wanted to have a baby then they needed to spend more time together.
Privacy is another issue. In Asia you often find children in the same room or sleeping in the same bed with their parents. My advice to parents is to get their kids sleeping on their own as soon as possible. Couples who live with their in-laws sometimes feel uncomfortable about having sex. Flats are small and people have the impression that if they retire early, then everyone will know what's happening. Sometimes a daughter-in-law may be expected to do some housework or help with the washing up before bedtime. She and her husband don't have the freedom to be together when they want.
Q. What can couples do to maintain a happy sex life?
A. They must have knowledge about themselves and what they like and don't like. Then they must be willing to share their feelings with their partner which requires honesty and openness. They must also be responsible for their own needs. By this I mean asking and telling their partner what they require.
Partners must be able to say "yes" or "no" to each other and have sex only when they want to. A man may think he must perform sexually a certain number of times otherwise he's not manly, and a woman may think she must always submit. When sex becomes just another duty, neither partner becomes sufficiently aroused. Then the woman experiences pain because she's not lubricated and the man doesn't have an erection.
Learn new techniques. Sex doesn't just mean a penis in a vagina. There's also kissing and touching. Don't always do things in the same order. Be open to new information. There are lots of educational books and seminars on the subject.
Don't always expect great sex. Some days it's not going to be perfect. Movies and books fantasizing sex are not real life.
Juz to share for all to know..hmm.. good info from the doctor..
